the poisoned parrot

Negative self-dialogue is one of the root causes of emotional distress. How we communicate with ourselves can dictate our moods and how we operate throughout the day. Even when you don’t think you talk to yourself, you actually do. Whether it’s to give yourself directions to work, or to tell yourself how worthless you are because you were 5 minutes late to the doctor’s office. 

Frequently, therapists will use metaphors to explain different tenets of mental health. My colleagues use the term “inner bully” to describe our stream of consciousness that puts us. I appreciate that metaphor, but I use a different metaphor to describe self-deprecating statements: The Poisoned Parrot. (Vivyan, 2010) 

If you’ve ever been to a zoo, aviary, or have known someone who owned a pet parrot, you’d know that it echoes the words that are said around it. If the bird is with a bunch of foul-mouthed sailors, the parrot will likely cuss and swear, commonly depicted in pop culture. Conversely, a parrot who’s around a group of singers that sing love songs will likely echo the sweet lyrics of their tunes. 

How does this relate to mental health? Think about the constant dialogue you have. Are you always hard on yourself and calling yourself names? If so, you’ve inadvertently conditioned your parrot to echo those words even when you try to balance them out with more objective thoughts. Now, how often have you felt joyful after telling yourself how worthless and stupid you are on repeat? I’d bet you dollars do donuts it’s very infrequent, if ever at all. Now, imagine the parrot constantly telling you this when you least expect it. It’s rather taxing. 

The question then becomes: How do I keep my poisoned parrot quiet, or change its dialogue altogether? Bird owners will tell you that the best way to keep a bird quiet is to put it back in its cage and cover it with a blanket or a towel. The bird in question is fake, so unfortunately we cannot use that remedy, but we can find skills to curb our self deprecation. A common technique I use is cognitive reframing, or identifying alternative ways to look at situations. A student may get a bad grade on a test and automatically think that they are a failure, fraud, or won’t go to that college they’ve dreamed of attending. However, a student can reframe this stream of consciousness by looking at the situation with more balance and harmony. Getting an “F” is not a good outcome on an exam, but using it as a learning opportunity to find better ways to study, pay attention in class and ask the teacher for help when needed addresses the deficit in a calm, productive manner. Using this tactic consistently will recondition your parrot to start using a dialogue that is more encouraging rather than demeaning.

So the next time you find yourself in a foul mood, do some self-reflection and identify if your self-dialogue, or parrot, is pumping you up, or taking you down.